Some say I’m a violent man, a very violent man. I disagree. However, there are two kinds of people in this Galaxy my friends, those with a loaded pistol and those who better do what they’re damn well told! Well now, you can bet your last dollar that Tuco is a man that always carries a loaded pistol! I’ve spent many years eking out a living across the Koronus Expanse and you can trust your old friend Tuco, he’s had to learn a few hard lessons. I certainly know that a kind word and a gun will get you a lot further than just a kind word. Bank robber, pirate, gun runner, prize fighter, mercenary, bounty killer and body guard, I’ve been them all in my time. I’ve never killed a man unless I’ve had to but death is my business and I have to admit that business has been brisk. A man with talents like mine can always pay for a meal, a drink, a bed and a woman to warm it for me.
I was born on Luther Mcintyre, a world so deadly that even the gods of chaos would want to travel in pairs when paying a visit. There were only two ways to get off that hell hole, either to become a bandit or a priest. My brother Pablo, he went in to the Adeptus Ministorum. He was always the studious one, the big reader. Where’s he now? Hell, I don’t know I haven’t seen him for twenty years. I bet he’s in line to be the next the Ecclesiarch or something. Just imagine that, Tuco Ramirez’s brother the Ecclesiarch! Heh heh, He always was a big reader. I bet he wouldn’t give an audience to Tuco though. No, too embarrassed to see his own brother now he’s got his new, fancy friends. Dirty Tuco with his guns and his scars and his outstanding arrest warrants. He became a priest because he was too much of a coward to do what I do! Tuco read books and pray to the Emperor for salvation? No way my friends! Books are for fools! When did a book ever save a man from a hail of bolt shells, or the embrace of a Tyranid? You want to survive? Want to make some money? Pick up a gun or a knife and carve out a future for yourself. The Emperor helps those that help themselves!
So where did old Tuco end up after a lifetime of killing and robbing and stealing? Serving aboard ‘The Vengeance’ a House Varrick ship as chief strong arm to young Darius Varrick, heir to what remains of that once proud dynasty. He’s impetuous and stubborn but he’s got guts and the Emperor knows, you need plenty of those in times like these. His father pulled my fat out of the fire on more occasions than I care to remember. Daddius Varrick, now there was a man!!! He played a mean hand at poker, drank enough whisky to knock out a mule and could still out fight any man I’ve ever met. Bar room brawls just aren’t the same without him around anymore. Tuco never forgets a debt so I look after his boy. He’s not an easy one to keep out of trouble though.
Young Varrick is trying to revive his family’s fortune. At present we are liberating one of the systems lost to his house from the clutches of chaos worshippers. Let me tell you my friends Tuco’s done a lot of very bad things in his time and seen plenty more, so he’s not one to shy away from blood and gore. But if there’s one thing that turns his stomach it’s the work of chaos worshippers. Those madmen commit crimes so terrible even he feels sick when he sees their victims. A good, honest crook you can bargain with. A good, honest crook only kills people if they are preventing him from pulling off a job. Those freaks torture and kill for no good reason at all. You can’t negotiate a deal with them, or pay them off. You can’t reason with them. You just have to kill those crazy bastards before they kill you. It’s that simple. Tuco didn’t learn that from a book. He learnt that from a week spent aboard a Saynay slaughterhouse ship. I managed to make it out alive but the rest of my crewmates didn’t. I made those Saynay bastards pay for every man they took though. Those sick pigs will remember the name of Tuco Ramirez for a very long time to come. That he can promise you!
Anyways, as I was saying, we’re currently taking Varrick’s planets back, one nest of chaos worshipping scum at a time. I’ve told Darius we shouldn’t take any prisoners but He balks at the idea of killing everyone we find. I don’t. I suppose he stills feels a sense of responsibility to what were, after all, his father’s men. Hopefully, he won’t come to regret that decision. These ‘Whisperers’ as we now call them have been corrupted by the taint of the warp and are being driven by some greater, darker power. So far, it chooses to remain hidden from us. As we continue to interfere with its plans though, I know that this won’t remain the case for very much longer. Tuco fears no man, Ork or Eldar living, but demons from the warp? That’s a different matter! I‘ve seen their handiwork and have no intention of becoming another one of their countless victims. Old Tuco has a saying, ‘Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior’. The second is a loaded bolt pistol...
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