Monday 29 November 2010

The Chronicles of Tuco Part 2

Well my friends, where has old Tuco been since last we met? Heh heh, into the gates of Hell and back, that’s where! And at last with a pretty penny to show for it! The crew of the Vengance have been up to their midriffs wading through the blood of our enemies. Those that were corrupted by the Whisperer have paid dearly for their betrayal. We began with the liberation of Silence, a moon inhabited by artists employed by old man Varrick to proclaim the glory of the House. If there’s one group of people that Tuco doesn’t trust it’s artists. Well, artists and priests, they’re pretty much one and the same. Too lazy to work, too frightened to steal. If a man can’t earn a living through making something useful like a weapon of war, or through honest thievery, then he’s not of much use to his comrades is he? Paintings? Statues? Ha! Well, we soon showed them our appreciation of their art. They animated the statues they’d made to rise up and kill us. Clearly no stomach for a fight themselves. We left only rubble.

Once we’d returned Silence to a state worthy of its name we left for Cog, the system’s forge world with its colossal moving city. As readers of these chronicles well know, being men of peace we tried reasoning with the rebels first. As Tuco always says, be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. But sadly this was to no avail. They met our generous offer of unconditional surrender, fair trials and quick executions with vicious anti aircraft fire. Taking the ships in at this stage would have proved unwise, so we assaulted the city with drop pods. Not my favourite way to travel, that express elevator to Hell feeling that you get on the way in always disagrees with my delicate digestive processes (coping with a belly full of rot gut whisky, a couple of raw eggs and a dash of Tabasco), so old Tuco didn’t arrive in the best of moods. We brought a multi-melta along for the ride though, which went a long way to reviving my sagging spirits. I learned to use one of those fire breathing dragons fighting Orks in the Black Reach campaign. Of course, the marines took all the credit for that ‘glorious victory’, they always do. They couldn’t have pulled it off without walking over the corpses of lot of mercenaries when they first made planet fall though, let me tell you. We held the Ghospora Hives against Zanzag’s hordes for more than two months before those brave Boys in Blue arrived. No terminator armour or dreadnoughts to keep us out of harm’s way, just raw guts and the promise of a pay cheque if we made it through.

Anyway, I digress, where was I? Oh yes, multi-meltas. I tell you my friends, there’s nothing like the smell of burning rebels in the morning to warm the cockles of your heart. It smells like victory. We soon silenced the anti aircraft batteries, were able to bring in more reinforcements via shuttle craft and cleared a path to the city’s central control room. We found that the chief engineer had avoided the taint of corruption and was able to help us secure the rest of the complex. When I suggested shooting him in the back of the head, just to be on the safe side mind, young Darius gave me a stern warning. I tell you that boy is too trusting. One of these days his sense of ethics and fair play is going to get us into real trouble.

With Cog pacified we decided to retake the refining station orbiting the system’s gas giant, Installation 23. On the way there we got into a scrape with a group of angry void wasps. To be honest, I’ve never really thought of the Vengeance as anything other than a tramp steamer, like a hundred others I’ve bunked on. Let me tell you though my friends, this old bitch has teeth! Heh, heh, those void wasps were swotted double quick time! The tainted ones had moved the station to a new orbit but that didn’t stop us finding her soon enough. We had trouble boarding her and the Vengeance took a beating bringing us in but she’s got a thick hide as well as a mean attitude. Once on the station we made short work of isolating the majority of the crew in their habitation quarters. Thank the Emperor! There were a hundred thousand or more of the bastards and bolt pistol ammo doesn’t come cheap in these difficult times!

We encountered some serious resistance on the way to the central control room in the form of rebels with a heavy stubbers, assault rifles and shotguns. I did a job a while back for an old acquaintance and picked up a decent las pistol for my troubles. Well, Tuco’s quick draw of choice has always been a bolt pistol in the past (hard to those beat high explosive, armour piercing rounds) but I can certainly see the attraction of speed and accuracy when someone is sat behind an armoured shield blasting away at you with a heavy stubber. I burned that man’s eyes clean out of his head with my first shot. Say hello to my little friend! Mind you young Darius has a plasma pistol and those things certainly aren’t to be argued with.

We finally made it to the central control room to find some freakish mutation posing as old man Varrick. I thought the boy might lose his nerve under the strain of it but no, he cut that filthy creature down where it stood. That set the cat among the pigeons, let Tuco tell you! The loss of Installation 23 finally drew the beast from its pit to confront us. And what a beast! The monster was the size of a starship! A huge, writhing mass of tentacles and hatred bent on the subjugation and destruction of mankind. It came screaming out of the center of that gas giant with the intent of killing us all. However, it found Tuco waiting in command of a half dozen macro batteries. Its corpse is spread through half the system. Thank the Emperor; we’ve finally made some money off of this job! The death of the creature has allowed us to fully retake the system and begin to get the factories, refineries and dockyards running again. Money, money money! In the wake of the battle Darius also made me Chief Bosun on the Vengeance. I’ve never had it so good! Old Tuco might not die a penniless peon after all!

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