Pandemonium-9

Press Release on the Pandemonium-9 from the houses of Orthlack:

“Give ‘em the whole clip with the Pandemonium-9 light assault pistol, from House Orthlack!

The Pandemonium-9 is a revolution in small arms technology. Light enough to carry comfortably in civilian garb, the Pandemonium is perfect for bodyguard assignments or when you need a backup weapon with a little extra kick at no extra cost.

The streamlined design makes it a dream to use and the ammunition has been specially selected to reduce recoil, weight and muzzle flare for efficient operations – so you needn’t brace yourself before popping a heretic or gunning down recidivist scum.

Plus, fully-automatic fire options make it a great choice for sticky situations when one bullet just isn’t enough. The quality of this weapon will blow you – and your enemies – away!”

Footnote from Van der Teirzalt’s Arms and Armour of the Expanse, 3^rd Edition:

“... The Pandemonium-9 is a particularly old-fashioned model, out of production for centuries that has recently seen a resurgence in popularity in no small part due to the marketing efforts of its manufacturers, House Orthlack. Originally known as the “Jump-Pattern Secondary Soft Target Interdiction Device,” the noble manufacturers decided that snappier renaming was in order to boost sales.

And boost sales it did – endlessly popular amongst young gangers and terrified civilians alive, the Pandemonium-9 (often referred to in street parlance as a “Pan” or “Pannine”) offered a cheap means of acquiring a fully-automatic weapon to all but the most destitute. A handful of variations were made, including a “professional” model with higher-calibre ammunition and recoil bracers (the “Pandemonium-9 Hellfire”) and a semi-automatic version for sale on planets with stricter civilian weapons laws (the “Pandemonium-9 Sureshot”).

Regardless of its popularity, the Pandemonium-9 has not seen widespread military application due to the small clip capacity, short range, and (some would argue) overly lightweight design.”

Overheard in a Colossus gunshop:

“Man, you get those away from me. You come round here trying to flog Pans, for Throne’s sake?

Course you didn’t know they’re useless. No-one uses ‘em anymore, so I guess some fresh meat like yourself hasn’t heard of ‘em yet. What, you’ve got a press release? Oh-ho! Must be an antique. Give it here. Let me put my glasses on.

Hah! Streamlined design, yeah, that’s one way of putting it. Orthlack skipped on parts, see, jammed cheap autofire mechanisms into frames too small to take them. Didn’t bother weighing ‘em down, so they spray everywhere – and when they say “specially selected ammunition” they mean “specially selected any nine bullets we could fit in it.” Nine bullets! You tell me how long that’s going to last on full auto, especially when you can’t hit anyone with ‘em. Not very long, let me tell you.

Nah, I’m not interested, sorry pal. Only an idiot would buy a Pan these days.”

Rook, Missionary, in a gunshop just down the road a week later:

“Pandemonium-9, eh? What a great name. I’ll take it.”